My first post for the year! I took this photo yesterday, when I went to the park for a morning walk. The third time I passed the waterfall, I noticed that the mist had taken on an interesting rainbow sheen and thought it looked cool. It wasn’t something I had ever seen before (probably a sign I need to touch grass more haha).
Anyway, I’m not due to start my new job yet, so I have some breathing room in the meantime. The last time I took any leave days to rest or go on holiday was nine months ago. That explains why I’m always so tightly wound… Now that I finally have all this free time, there are so many things I want to do: get my teeth cleaned, finish reading half-read books, go on vacation, comb my closet and list my old clothes for sale, deep-clean my room…
Honestly though, despite everything the first week of January didn’t start out great, because I was still in the midst of all the chaos that comes with significant life changes. But I suppose the shake-up was necessary to clear the way forward. What I love right now is the freedom to do whatever I want. Today I focused on learning new pieces on my cello (and possibly violating several noise ordinances too) before moving on to violin practice. It feels different but good to end practice because my arms were getting tired, and not because it was almost bedtime on a weeknight. Being able to disable my morning alarm indefinitely and staying in bed as long as I want in the afternoon also feels pretty great. Plus, it’s monsoon season and the rainy weather is so good to sleep in.
I do have some company during the day because Bunbun will come into my room in the morning and nap under my bed for hours on end and only run out into the living room when it’s dinner time (4/5pm). (Blackie prefers to loaf on her favourite mat outside right in front of the balcony, she doesn’t often come into the room.) It’s always pretty cute, until the silence is broken by the unmistakeable sound of rabbit teeth on baseboards or furniture. He’s also like a mini fluffy poltergeist because things go bump in the night or fall down or move around from their original positions. Unseen forces at work? Nah, it’s just a 3.8 pound rabbit hiding under the bed feigning innocence after causing something or other to topple over.
Case in point: I went to the kitchen for 10 minutes to make breakfast and a hot drink and came back to Bunbun instigating…I mean investigating this mess. He’s clearly innocent, his ears are up, that’s his “I’m as surprised as you are” look.
Anyway, going through my recent photos I found this screenshot from my Roubit app (it’s a checklist app that features a cute little bunny as the main character) from early December. It was a fortune cookie I opened back then:
I screenshotted it because I wanted the belief to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it did, because not long after, I got selected for an interview for the new job that I was really hoping to get, and the week after that, it was mine, they had waived the second interview. This was the first time I had ever applied for a managerial role, and also the first time I really started believing in myself and that everything I had worked for in the past would matter to those who could see the value in it. I’m certain that made all the difference.
I also finally scheduled an appointment with my therapist for the first time in 10 years. It was nice to see him again. I had forgotten how exhausted I would feel after a session, and I didn’t really have the energy to do much else when I got home. I did feel better though. It wasn’t pleasant to dredge up all the untold stories and things I’d rather not remember, but then again, the only way out is through. I talked about two of the heaviest things on my mind – the bullying I was only just beginning to put behind me, and then about how I felt bad about the way my Obi Bun passed away and how I handled the last week of her life (I didn’t know then that it would be her last week, but I didn’t handle it as well as I should have). I found myself changing the subject to other things because I didn’t want to start crying, though. I guess I will have to unpack that in another session.